


This Christmas I Gave You My Heart. (Then the Very Next Day...)

by Catclaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Because it's Christmas and the author isn't that much of a bitch, Implied Beastiality, M/M, POV First Person, The Puppies Live After the War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2019-04-06 15:39:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14060100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catclaw/pseuds/Catclaw
Summary: Remus looks back on the last time there was a full moon at Christmas and hopes for more this time.





	This Christmas I Gave You My Heart. (Then the Very Next Day...)

**Author's Note:**

> For the wonderful Llaeyro

_’Tis the season to be jolly…_ Or so they say… Muggles, what do they know? They’d be closer this year with _’tis the season to be furry…_ I guess the reason I sound so bitter is because I don’t know what to expect. The last time Moony came out to play on Christmas Day, we were teenagers…. It was our last Christmas at Hogwarts, our last Christmas as ‘boys’. The war would take so much from us, more than we could have imagined then.

James, my brother in mischief… Lily my sister in kindness… In our darkest dreams, how could we have imagined that so much would be given and yet so much would be taken? Sirius, how can I give you back those years you lost? Those years I doubted…

But I digress, more than I want to in fact. It was chance, but in ’77 it was just us. The others had gone home to spend Christmas with their families, but Sirius felt less and less connected with his and I just couldn’t bring the horror of that year upon my parents. I had been trying to gather the courage to confess how I felt for so long, only to have Padfoot offer himself. What better Christmas present? Well, other than to know that the man felt the same way. I cared, even if Moony didn’t… Rather enthusiastically didn’t…

Then there was Lupercalia of ’95… Padfoot and the Beast within me might not have cared that it could have been just physical, but I did. Particularly after all that longing, after all that hating myself for lusting after someone that I believed had betrayed my closest friends. Someone whose soul I thought blacker than my own…

Then that blasted man sent him to ‘lie low’ with me. Not as low as I’d have liked him to lie. I suspect that the old coot knew that and had sent the single desire of my heart to live in close quarters with me deliberately. Knowing that the Dog would shag anything that moved. Anything convenient… As always…

But, as ever, Voldemort got in the way of all plans. There was a part of me that thought I should be grateful, at least I wouldn’t be hurt when he moved on, as I’m sure he would have.

Or at least, that was what I was sure would happen in ’77. And again in ’95. I’m pretty sure Moony thought the same, which was why we offered ourselves.

But this time, I will be in control. I know that I could have been in ’95, but I was afraid. But now, I need to know, I can’t pretend anymore. I’ve loved him since the first time he transformed for me. To know the years of study he put into it, just so that I would no longer have to spend the moons alone…

Just to know that effort, to realise what a friend he has been to me, make me afraid to take this chance. What if I lose this incredible friendship? There’s no way he won’t realise what it means when Moony and I offer ourselves, right?

The war has long past, there’s no rush; no need to affirm life, no doubt, just Moony and me with my human mind in control, offering all that we are. He’d understand that, right? He’d know that the Alpha of the pack would never offer himself for more than just pleasure. Would never submit to someone less than he considered equal. Someone he wanted as a partner. For life.

Right?

Well, I guess I’m going to find out.

I shed my clothes and stand inside the securely enchanted basement of my cottage as the sun sets, looking into his eyes as I feel the change begin to course through my blood.

~~* Boxing Day 2015 *~~

Awareness filters back and I wince, aching in both far too familiar places and others that are new. I blink, trying to remember and then an arm wraps itself around me, fingers entwining with my own as a beloved voice mutters in my ear,  
“Go back to sleep Remus, we have the rest of our lives for you to overthink things…”


End file.
